It was slow at work so I just started doodling and this definitely has been my mood. I’ve actually just been a moody mess for a couple weeks now. I can’t wrap my mind around things we are all just trying to survive right now. The uncertainty across the WORLD has me so confused. I’m an emotional person as is so to be told to not let me emotions control my mind further frustrates me.
The beginning of the year, as did many others, I felt this would be my year. My divorce would be final, my legal issues would be resolved, I got a new job, I was getting my license back, I would buy a car, I was going to move out… then, the pandemic hit the United States. God hit that pause button on everything. I took it personal. I could only see how I was being affected. Why are my plans being halted? Why can’t I just get this finished? My patience has been on thin lately and I just don’t want to deal with any one anymore. Considering I live with 6 other people in my home and have three kids obviously I can’t just check out. At work I put my customer service face on and I can talk with over 60 patients daily. Sis is tired. Mood swings have been extra and this last week I have just been trying to figure out how I can get my peace of mind back.
I wake up a little earlier and try some (easy) exercises. I read my Bible app and do plans with friends, cause I know they’ll hold me accountable. Today I started some podcasts that I enjoyed. I have to get out of my victim mentality and remind myself who I am. My name is victorious, as is yours. The way my anxiety is set up I’m going to have to keep reminding myself too. This doesn’t mean I’m out of the darkness but I’m pulling myself out. Day by day is my motto for this new normal we’re all in. If anyone feels overwhelmed as well my messages are always open. There’s no reason any one should feel alone out there.
Rosadela Durruthy is founder of She’s Got Lupus, a non profit organization aimed to improve the lives of those living with chronic illnesses by advocating for mental health, healthy living and raising awareness.