In 1999, my junior year of high school, I was my high schools track star. Seriously. I have medals and held the schools 200m and 4×1 record for quite some time. Fast forward some 21+ years (yes I aged myself, shh!) and I can’t even walk up the stairs in my house without getting winded. I am constantly feeling like I ran a marathon, trying to catch my breath.

For the past 6 years, more or less, I have been seeing a pulmonologist for this symptom. Fast forward this story and what I have been told is the lupus was attacking my organs and left me with permanent scarring surrounding my lungs. So now due to the scarring I have diminished lung capacity, meaning where normal peoples lungs are able to expand 100% mine go about 60%. This causes my constant shortness of breath, and I also have developed pleurisy which is an inflammation of the tissues that line the lungs. Oh yeah, through in asthma.

In short, I’m fucked up. Excuse my French.

Ok fast forward again to present day. I had to go into the hospital to get a Pulmonary Function Test or PFT for short. It’s a really cool hour long test to monitor what your lungs are capable of doing. How sway?! Well you sit in a booth and blow in a tube for an hour. I mean it’s few minutes at a time and they plug your nose and you can’t take your mouth off the tube to monitor your lung functions.

So now I have to wait for my next appointment with the pulmonologist to go over the results of my testing today. Why does it matter? Well a few years back the last meeting with the doctor I was told that I may try a surgery to scrape the scarring off my lungs and there was no guarantee of it fixing the issue. The second option was the have a lung transplant surgery. I’m a good candidate because of my age apparently.

So this wait for the results and hear what options are available for me is going to be torture. I just want to go back to living a normal life. Being able to go on a hike with friends or my sons. Jog the block with my puppy. Play basketball with my kids.

Normal things people with lupus don’t even think twice about.

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